Everlasting Hope

In a perfect world, I’d be president of the United States. Or some big time famous person.  Or even a reality TV sensation. But you see, things don’t work in our favor. And no matter how much we try and say our world is perfect, it truly isn’t. I’m a firm believer that life is what you make it. But life is also out to get you so you have to make sure you’re careful or you’ll end up in a situation like me..

You see, almost a year ago, I met this guy. Very handsome, very nice, and just an overall good person to be around. Although I did meet him on pretty bad terms, we managed to become friends somehow. Two weeks later, from the first initial time we met, we met again. It just so happened, I saw him at a party I was at. Nothing big, we just exchanged a few words because we didn’t really know each other. However, after the party, somehow he ended up in the backseat of my friend’s car. I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED BUT IT DID. We dropped him off at his friend’s house where his car was which was only a few minutes away from where the party was. I knew he was crazy so I convinced him to make out with my friend (IT WAS REALLY NOT HARD). Neither of us really knew him. I grew up around his friends but somehow we didn’t meet until this past year. Anyways, our friendship progressed and we started texting here and there, hanging out with the friends we have in mutual. Now, 8 months later, I have what today’s generation calls “the feels”. Meaning I have feelings towards him. But, there are just some things better left unsaid, reasons that got me to how I feel today that I choose not to share with the world. I knew from the beginning that he wasn’t one of me. But his actions proved otherwise. I tried for a very long time to tell myself that I didn’t like him but that didn’t work. It’s been months and months of the same stuff. And now, I feel like everything is crashing at once. Things are changing. Not drastically but it’s the little things that are making me feel some type of way. Things are happening now that I shouldn’t even bug me, but they do.  I just feel like I allowed myself to get emotional invested and dragged along like a dog and now I can’t seem to shake this funky feeling I get every day. I can’t believe I let it myself get like this but I’ve never been in this situation to where I actually liked someone. I’m always the friend that would say “screw people why waste time on liking someone” and now look at where I am (LOL). The dilemma I have every day is what to do because he considers me as his “best friend” so we hang out pretty often. Usually, people take some time away from a person if they’re feeling some type of way about them and the feeling isn’t mutual. BUT, he’s really fun and I always have a good time when I’m with him. So what do I do? I still don’t know the answer to this. I can’t see us not hanging out or not being friends but at the same time, I need to think about myself now. Of course, he doesn’t know any of this. Well, let me rephrase that, I’m sure he knows or at least have a feeling because he referred to me as his “best friend but sometimes I act like his girlfriend”. He just wants to hear it from my mouth. But I’ll never give him that satisfaction.

In a perfect world, we’ll be together. In a perfect world, I’d have everything I’ve ever hoped for. But the reality is, the world isn’t perfect and neither is anyone in it. You can choose which way you’d like to live your life and be so happy. Good things don’t last forever they say. But you can always have hope. And in my life, hope is everlasting.